I would have been a dean's lister at least for once in my whole stay in Ateneo if i just didn't get that theo final orals grade of F. And to think that everyone I know in that subject got a final orals grade of A. To add insult to injury, I'm one of the four people who got an A in the 66% of our grade requirement among all the section that my teacher teaches. That perfection was easily reduced to C+ after that oral exam.
I'm tired of failures and so used to it by now. I have failed countless times in my accounting and finance long test even though I had tutors. I got kicked out of my course and "kicked out" of my block because I did not meet the grade requirement so I wasn't able to be groupmates with the people I really liked.
And it's really hard because I know I did your best, but no matter how hard your push for it, it may not really be meant for you. So you deal with shit and move on. But the feeling will one day explode, bring out a lot of insecurity and eventually eat you up... unless you can release it in some controllable manner.
This is one of those nights when I want to watch Sweeney Todd while playing with a knife.