Pre-Graduation Sentiments

I was sick the whole day so instead of attending my National Service Training Program class, where we supposedly had to teach impoverished kids math and English (i teach cultural appreciation), I browsed some old high school pictures. Incidentally, the song playing in the background was also from my high school days.

It got me thinking - I could have done so much more in High School with the skills, experiences and "wisdom" that I have now. I could have gotten higher grades, made my way to the honor list, won over more people, documented more memories... But I guess I was too complacent since nothing or no one moved me out of my comfort zone to my gift zone, or probably nothing inspired me enough.

A few days ago, I met this dynamic duo behind the t-shirt company of our high school. They started their business during their senior high school year, so there wasn't any formal/official foundation to it. I was older than them and having taken up business, economics and fashion classes, I was more than willing to help.

I wondered what's fueling this whole initiative, and is it enough to sustain them? It's definitely not the money. What makes them different from me/my batch? Did they develop a culture of going beyond what is expected of them? I might have been analyzing too many stuff in one go.

From one of its founders, I sensed that it might be an "atonement" for not getting that something which he really wanted. It happens a lot even in our organization, and these outlets are often used as healing for them - nothing bad about it in the short run. I clarified with him and he said that it really stems from good will.

Right now I'm wondering what legacy I left in my high school. Might it be the people I have influenced? One became the student council vice president, the other a valedictorian, and another one entered the seminary. Some people say that I influenced them to blog - great!:D That's enough for me.

My classes will be over in 25 days (not counting the finals week) and it's like being in that roller coaster ride again where your stomach churns with the realization that the fantasy ride is coming close to an end. You'll have to get off and dive into God knows what.

I don't want to look back several years from now and think that I could have done more in college - because I did try my best in academics, my co-curricular activities and in my own development. I was definitely moved out of my comfort zone.

I'm so idealistic right now and it probably is coming from my philosophy and social science classes. But I'm not sure the theories I learned would be enough to sustain this idealism. After graduation, I hope I'd still be surrounded by people who have been immersed in the culture of Magis - of being more than you can be.

If you are an avid reader of my blog, you must have observed that I like to reminisce about a lot of things from the past. I like to think about them because it drives me to look forward. I'd like to end this long blog with an excerpt from a poem from one of my favorite poets/blogger.

The most tragic thing in the world

is falling in love

with the past. Or believing

the past is writing you letters –

handwriting in an old

English script, letters

smudged, but readable

enough to hold

you hostage — because what

is the sound of something lost

but misunderstanding?

I sometimes have these tendencies to be a prisoner of my past - the blog perpetuates it.