Saan Nakatali? Saan Ka Kakapit?

I found myself crying earlier in the chapel of our school because something grave happened to one of my members in our org. First of all, you should know that I've thrown out my Catholicism vows a long time ago and it's uncommon for me to spend some time in prayer - more so pour out so much emotion for it. But you also have to know that I'm very close to my members, and I can easily empathize with the feelings and emotions of others.

This week has been very stressful (not academically though) and somehow it all flowed out earlier. All the effort to repress and just keeping it cool will eventually collapse. Like what Buddha says, the more you resist the pain/stress, the more it will come out.

Somehow, I understand now and appreciate more what my philosophy of religion teacher, Sir Roy, "wants" us to learn. (The 'want' is in quotations because he doesn't force us to accept his perspective but he lets us choose the path for ourselves.) When everything crumbles and life has beaten you down, and no matter how hard you try to express it all out, it still seems not enough, saan ka kakapit? Saan nga ba nakatali ang buhay ng tao?

It's very easy to say the answer is God. But God not guided by religion is like looking for something you don't know in the dark. Nagbibigay ng mukha ang relihiyon sa atin na nagtutulak sa ating maranasan ng lubusan ang banal. Mula sa mysterium nitong pagpapakilala, napatotohanan ng relihiyon ang abstrak na tingin natin sa yaong wala ng nakahihigit pa na maaaring isipin.

That moment in the chapel, I felt the divine getting hold of my mind and body, of every fiber of my being. I felt it in the face of Jesus and somehow, religion makes this pagharap to the banal more concrete. It's not a question therefore of what the truth is, since we would never arrive to the answer. What's more important is how you respond to the karanasan sa banal - and like the emotions I was trying to repress earlier, you just have to let go of it and let it flow. Religion gives you that avenue, that vessel to respond to the flow of the experience.

To my member, I pray that you find the strength and courage. I can't imagine what I will do to in a situation that you are in. Thank you because you brought me back to prayer.