I'm following this special routine in the office for the past few days. When it's 12pm, I rush to McDonalds or any other fast food joint to eat lunch for 15 minutes, then go directly to Starbucks for some caffeine fix, then read. I go back to the office by around 1:30pm satisfied and feeling more at peace. (Yes, I can finally use the word "office" without flinching.)
I recently bought 4 books: The Catcher in the Rye, Perks of Being a Wallflower and the Happiness Project. The other one (not shown in the picture) is an old book, The Elements of Editing. I never really watch TV or any series so this is my only form of entertainment, aside from writing/ blogging/ resurrecting ManilaKid.com (and maybe watching some plays/musicals with friends).
The Catcher in the Rye is a legend because it's one of the first books that didn't hold back in exploring teenage angst: sex, drugs, alcohol, finding yourself amidst all these noise. The last one might be the most dangerous and is often the least resolved.
My favorite book so far (among all that I've read) is Perks of Being a Wallflower because it's the one which I can really relate to - from the writing style to the theme of the book: of wanting to be infinite! I don't know how to explain it, but the message somehow just feels right.
The Happiness Project balances out the two books mentioned. I'm only in its third chapter but so far, it has significantly elevated my mood (or I'm just saying this to blind myself from my suicidal tendencies.)
Speaking of suicidal tendencies, everything is a blur right now. I'm still suffering from my Peter Pan syndrome, I haven't talked with my family (it's like they're there but invisible - because they're all too fucking busy), I haven't been spending more fun times with friends, and I feel frustrated because I want to achieve a lot of things and these baby steps that I'm following aren't showing significant results, yet.
"The days are long but the years are short." I don't know if getting more time will make much difference. Maybe I should go on a retreat or at least learn how to pray again. Or maybe I just need a more cheerful book. What would you suggest?
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Last Friday on top of Paragon Plaza, my mom caught me banging my head against the glass wall that's keeping me from falling and hitting the cold cement of EDSA. "I want to fly and feel infinite." Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself. Sometimes, I don't feel at all.
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