Blue VS Green

You know you're an Atenean when your nostrils flare up, your ears throb and your breathing gets heavier when you hear the green skinned goblins chant "Beat Ateneo, Animo La Salle."

You clench your hands into a tight fist and with the heart of a tiger, you feel like you want to punch someone. But then you remember that you're not a tiger. You keep your cool. You bleed blue - an eagle, unreachable. You let the cheap offense pass and think to yourself: let the game speak for itself.

And last Saturday, a deafening cry erupted from the Coliseum. The archers have been slain and the eagles have solidified their position in their rightful place, above the reach of mere mortals.

But kudos to the green team. It was a well fought game. Their arrows sent fear into the hearts of the team from the Loyola Heights, but have not proven fatal. Maybe next year.

Infinite

After watching the Perks of Being a Wallflower, I had this great urge to ask one of my friends to drive our pick up truck into the tunnel near Glorietta (better if it's the tunnel in Baguio). I'll climb to the back, raise both of my hands up in the air, close my eyes and scream with reckless abandon.

Perks reminded me to live in the now, not just as an observer, but a participant.

"There are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We'll all become somebody's mom or dad.

But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. 

And in this moment I swear, we are infinite."

I bet we can clearly remember moments when we just hanged out with our high school friends, unmindful of the time, school work, text messages reminding us of responsibilities or the need to check our twitter once in a while.

There was a time when you did not fear that you might miss out something. You were not afraid that the world is leaving you out, because right then, your world is your friends. And by living and breathing each second of that experience, the emptiness created by the need to be connected is filled. Don't you wonder why even if you tweet, text and email 80% of the time, you feel more disconnected? There's so much irony in there.

By living in the now, we become more aware that we are alive. All our senses and neurons are focused on what is happening. We don't feel the need to take pictures of our best memories because we really lived in that moment. Neither do we feel the need to take alcohol or drugs to intensify a feeling that is genuine. The emotions build up and you feel like you can climb every mountain, be who you want to be, do what you thought was impossible, act like there's no tomorrow... and all of a sudden, without reason or fear to hold you back, you feel infinite.

When was the last time you felt infinite?

Do Epic Shit

Spent the last 24 hours in Tagaytay with 12 programmers who are voluntarily using their skills to benefit individuals and groups with advocacies. These are people burning with the desire to change the world for the better through what they can do best. They equip NGOs with the necessary IT solutions for increased efficiency and organization. Who says that only big companies need databases and computer system shizz?

The general assembly was held in the country club where our family usually goes to escape the city. Below is the view from my favorite spot where I often read a book.

I learned that most of them joined Magis Solutions because of the emptiness of their busy corporate jobs. Ironic if you think about it. Maybe it's because of the disconnection felt with what one is born for against what the routine high paying job offers. There's this void temporarily filled by paper works, shallow office mates and bossy bosses.

What's stopping you from experiencing the life you were born to live? What will you do if you were not afraid?

I'd do some epic shit, as Nikki tweeted earlier. I'd stop going to my work in the bank (contracts and bonds be damned) and do what I love to do - build my online publishing group and help Magis Solutions succeed with there projects. I'd shoot the most memorable ads for I'mAB and Hundred Saints. I'd promote more the talents we've featured in Manila Kid, and channel these talented people to where their gifts are needed most. I'd travel to another country and really immerse in culture, not just as a tourist. I'll probably even find a lover, elope and never look back. That kind of epic shit! #yolo

It doesn't always need to have "towards nation building" in it. It will come, but don't force yourself into that realization, else it won't be sustainable. If you were born a video game player, play DoTA with all your might and concentration. Eventually, the passion will gush forth and you might save a drug addict or a suicidal girl because you taught them DoTA.

I was very passionate on knowing/listening to the stories of other people. Gossip. Chismis. That passion gushed forth and without it, manilakid.com won't be here.

"One day you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you've always wanted. Do it now." - Paolo Coelho. Dare to move!

Wanting to be Found

Last night, after having dinner with some friends, I watched the Cinemalaya entry, Ang Nawawala. I went to the cinema alone because I want to focus my attention on these kind of films. We also published a review of the movie last Monday so I felt compelled to see it.

What struck me most was the vivid use of cameras. Gibson, the not-so-mute protagonist, kept taking pictures of everything. His mom was also a photographer, while his dad is trying out his new SLR. Taking photos is an attempt to salvage a memory. It is a way to freeze time so that it's more convenient to retrieve them. It is the best thing that we can do to recover what was lost.

Why do we often want to recover these memories? Most of us would say that it gives us joy. Or because we learned something important from it. But some want to keep hold of memories because they have not moved on from the pain of not relieving that experience once more. 

Gibson lost something in that movie - too traumatizing that he can't speak (literally) about the death of his twin brother and the guilt that he should have been the one who died. But there was forgiveness in the end.  There are days when we just want to disappear. For Gibson, he chose to get disconnected for years. But in the end, we really just want to be found. 

Thankful

I noticed that one of my friends kept posting thank you messages on her status. I guess it attracts good vibes since whenever she replies to my messages, it's always filled with emoticons:))) and exclamation points!!! So since this day was really beautiful, despite the heavy rains, allow me to share what happened today and something which I'm really thankful of.

After waking up with a headache since I was with my high school friends last night, I went straight to Ateneo. My mom accompanied my sister to take the Ateneo College Entrance Test and she was waiting for me in the high school cafeteria to talk of some business strategies.

I know right? It's Sunday morning for goodness' sake. I asked her to drop it and reserve the talk for lunch. So we walked around under the soft drizzle while enjoying the forest like landscape. We then found ourselves in the Church of Gesu. Although I don't usually go to mass, I was dragged into one of the pews, sat down and experienced hieropaniya. 

The mass presider was Fr. Ben Nebres - president of Ateneo for 18 years! Don't worry, I won't talk about his homily, I was just starstruck at how silver his hair has grown. Anyway, I was spacing out again during the readings. Then I suddenly realized how important this day is to my sister. If she passed that ACET, her life will be forever changed. I'm not trying to be cheesy here.

I wasn't the best student in high school, a tad bit irresponsible. But in college, because I saw other people always striving for - Magis, more / doing your best so that others can become their best - I was "forced" out of my comfort zone and really live! I guess we learn more from how we communicate with other people than in the classrooms. (Maybe that's the reason why they love giving oral exams for Philo and Theo).

I was thankful that I passed ACET more than 5 years ago. The experience, to simply put it, really changed my perspective and goals. I just hope my sister, although admittedly not the brightest, will also be given the chance.

Musings at 6am

Woke up at 6am today, not because I needed to, but because I wanted to. And it feels good. Maybe it has to do with the coffee I drank last night; my nerves might have still been jumpy. No particular activity in mind. I have a meeting at with Rica for our paper, but that's still at 10am.

As I was spacing out on one corner of my bed, I felt that it's a good time to write. It doesn't easily come as this. Lately, I have to force writing out of me. Must be something psychological. It's like Reiko finding her "femininity" after seven years because she slept with Toru in Norwegian Wood (Murakami)

Before, I usually write because it clears my mind. And I'm doing it now because my brain needs unclogging. You might be tired hearing me say/rant that I have so much stuff to do, but I have never been busier. My morning work in the bank is taking up more of my energy than before. Only 62 days left, and I would finally be free.

But enough of the ranting. It's Saturday morning, the raining is pouring outside and it's the perfect time to take things slowly. Drink something hot - coffee/tea. Turn on a good playlist. Think stuff through. Reflect. Hopefully, I can get back to writing daily as soon as possible. And things will get simpler.