Aug 31, 2009

I am, I exist

There's a tingling inside me that says I was one of Morpehus (Dream) and Isis' (Rainbow) offsprings, and one night, as I was gliding through the silver moon (with my four wings), an arrow pierced my center back - paralyzing every sinew in my celestial body. Alas! It was Saphira who shot me, the son of Thantanos (Death) and Estrella (The Star).

I fell on the ground, bled and asked for mercy. I perspired as hot blood dripped from my back. I was so afraid - shivering from the cold that seeps into my veins into my bones - that his searing eyes would be the last thing I would see. But then I wake up! It just existed in my unconciousness, all just a dream.

But, how can I ever trust my senses to be correct from now? I feel happy or sad when I'm awake and even if I dream. But then again, what if all is just a dream: the keyboard I am typing in, the words I see in the monitor, the cool breeze, the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the taste of caramel and cinnamon? How sure one can be that he is not deceived by what he perceives? Therefore, I now doubt everything sensate.

I think of mathematical concepts. It is fool proof that 1+1=2, that a square has four equal sides in reality and in dream. But, doubt continues to eat me. What if some evil genius injected a liquid that made me believe that 1+1=2 and that square has four equal sides. How certain can I be that what exists in my mind is not tampered by an outside force. Therefore, I now doubt my mind.

What is left for a person who doubts his sensate (body) and mind? Doubt. I doubt that I'm doubting. I doubt that I doubt that I'm doubting. In the end, you are still doubting and that is the bedrock of certitude. It is calling into question whatever one encounters until all that's left is doubt. That is the only thing we can be sure of. It might not be a healthy thought or practice because you should distrust everything you encounter, but at the end of the day, that is the only piece of truth that we can hold to.

I am, I exist. I am doubting, thinking and questioning everything - this is really happening. because even if you doubt that you're thinking or questioning, you are still doubting. There is no mind nor body, but the conciousness exists. There is one certainty, that I am doubting so the I exists. There is no other proof of our existence, except doubt - because I am being deceived by the body and mind, you are being deceived by everything.

I am, I exist!

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