Aug 27, 2009

Commentaries on Marriage, Sex and Prayer

After the talk earlier this morning, I said to myself that I want to marry a woman where I can be the best that I can be, and where I can see the greatness of God in her.
(Naturally, I should be cramming about loads of stuff but what I am about to write is so beautiful in its most complete sense that I want to share this with you guys. By the way, if you think that this is all a joke, I'm telling you now that I've never been more sincere in a blog until this.)

I think the reason why the facebook quiz said that Ateneans have "perfect" (i prefer the word happy) families is that Fr. Dacanay has tried to set up this course (ever since who knows when) where people will be guided at arriving to what genuine love, marriage and family life is ought to be. And that's a very comforting thought especially those under his class, because with the extensive discussions, you cannot go wrong, 90% of the time.

Earlier this morning, there were three speakers who talked about their courting, married, sex (gasp!) and family phases of their lives and it was a worthwhile event. Even though they were in their late 40's, they did not fail to deliver what college students want - a juicy detailed narration of the time when they first masturbated up to having sex in their chandelier.

I am personally pained by people who (1) live in together without the sacrament of marriage because they just shallowly skim the potentials of being in a committed relationship. There's a reason why people enter marriage: you publicly declare that you will be faithful to your wife and you hold yourself liable to the public if you do otherwise.

(2) people who announce that they are "annulled" or "separated" because of reasons which weren't communicated well between the spouses, or probably reasons that were present (though existed in the subconscious) before they got married. I'm not sure if I expressed myself well there because I don't know what its like to have broken family, but i want to be as sensitive as possible.

I’ll not elaborate litanies of everything they said but here’s a good one: When you’re young, have as many good memories with the guy/girl that you love. In tough times, it will always serve as the “corner stone” as to why you loved him/her in the first place. I guess you cannot predicate love in emotions and petty actions, it’s more of an act of the will, a decision involving the both of you.

They said that if your want your kids to be affectionate towards you (especially the father) you should show affection first to your wife. Lead by example. A major problem today that eat out society are these teenage pregnancies (let’s include here premarital sex) which I really pity because one can only guess the unparalleled stress and chaos of stupidity and lust woven into that perfect dose of destruction. It’s good cultivating a secure and loving home for your children because they won’t look elsewhere for emotional support. I second the motion. People who actually look for sex at a young age like in their high school tell us so much about how they grew up – their insecurities and I guess a sense of emptiness.

"A few weeks before our marriage, my brother wrote me a letter saying that I should pray to God, on bended knees, not to have sex with my wife-to-be before the marriage”

If I want to have sex (in all possible adaptations of that word) I need to get married first. Some people forget that somewhere in us, God imbedded a dignity. And even if that is the case, people cannot control their animalistic urges and they just have to fuck or be fucked by somebody else. Desperation or emotional instability? One can easily go ahead because of the physical satisfactions and immediate quenching of desires but they fail to see the bigger picture.

They said that sex done in the context of love and marriage becomes an expression and perfection of marriage. Sexual intimacy should not be isolated from the respect, communication, faith, trust… of the spouses; it should be seen as a non-verbal language that expresses everything that is good. It carries the highest point, the most poignant, the epitome of the relationship. The sexual act derives its meaning from remembering their past (courting), the celebration of their present, and the future that they want to be. If I am to be philosophical about it, ito ang pagsabog ng lahat lahat ng meron.

Having sex with a prostitute is a lie, empty, pagsira sa Logos. Well, after everything said about sex, would you give yourself to a person just for like a less than an hour pleasure? I know this sounds preachy, but it isn’t supposed to be that way.

It’s a perfection of love, not that the more sex you have with your spouse the better. As “incarnate spirits” we humans symbolize, express in material and perceived by the senses. This expression nourishes what the “supra-sensate”, the spiritual and in marriage, that is love. Love becomes more real. Unless it is symbolizes, it looses hold of reality.

We always hear the excuse that people involve themselves in “live-ins” because they want to test the compatibility of each other. I guess love or sex is seen here in a pre-existing objective fact that you have to sleep with as many girls as you can until you find that “most perfect” partner. The speakers said that it affects the girl more because what will happen to her if the guy didn’t stick with her up to the end. She is now “used”, basahan. And who wants a wife that’s already a basahan, nagamit na?

It’s great to give the one you love something that is unique and extra special – a legitimate right to your body. I just wish that people treat sex more special. I know that’s difficult with the proliferation of media but I just realized that (1) the genuine love between the two persons is higher and more noble that sex that it would be treated as expression and perfection of their love and (2) it’s good to have a stable relationship with your family first because sex won’t be seen as a “pantakip butas” of an emotional hunger but an extension of yourself leading to both spiritual growths.


This will just be a short comment because we Filipinos are innately spiritual so this will not serve as an emphasis but rather a reminder. I think the role of prayer in a relationship is sometimes taken for granted but based on experiences and what I see, it’s actually important. I mentioned earlier that we are incarnate beings so one cannot exclusively rely on the incarnate part. We pray because we ask God for grace, we ask for the fruits of the relationship to be clearer. Note that prayer for me just clarifies what humans have done first. Prayer is the x-factor that makes a relationship work. In a genuine relationship, one cannot deny God working because (hopefully) couples become more patient, understanding, conscientious, self giving... and one cannot attribute all those good things humans alone.

I want to marry a woman where I can be the best that I can be, and where the greatness of God is revealed in her. Marriage and Sex if seen in the right context are such good things that I don't want to deny myself, and I'm just thankful that Fr. Dacanay was able to show this to us.

For those who have learned from him on what marriage and sex are ought to be, I say it is our responsibility to inform the people of this things. Since family is the basic foundation of a society especially here in Asia, having that well formed basic unit will ripple not just a moral positive effect but I guess in every aspect of society there is, but I have to cut this entry short, that's another blog to be written. And hey, there's much more stuff to learn with him since it's more or less just the middle of the sem.

No comments: